


Along for the Ride

by space_kid (orphan_account)



Series: AI Rhys [1]
Category: Borderlands (Video Games)
Genre: Ai rhys, Alternate Universe - AI, Body Modification, M/M, chip implant
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-02
Updated: 2019-05-02
Packaged: 2020-02-15 18:57:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,990
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18675526
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/space_kid
Summary: Jack gets installed with a Robotic Humanoid Y-Model System, or a R.H.Y.S chip. And comes to find out that the guy is kind of a massive dick.





	Along for the Ride

**Author's Note:**

> thank you to @higgsly from ao3 for inspiring me with this au, it really caught my attention and im kind of obsessed with this idea now

"Uh, between you and me, I'm not really one to take too kindly to orders from dumb machines. Orders from _you_ , however, I could get used to-"

"Please stay still, Sir."

Jack grumbled under his breath as the woman prodded at his arm, trying to find a suitable location in the skin to embed the project that R&D insisted was more useful than guns with hands that could only flip people off. They cried and begged- those reminders floating outside of his window- for Handsome Jack to spare them just one more week with the program, ensuring that it would be well worth the wait and delay. And since Jack has always been a fantastic boss, he allowed it. Of course, under the condition that if this thing went tits up, which he was sure it would, then all the scientists and their families would make themselves very well acquainted with studying the inside of a skag's putrid stomach on Pandora. And boy, did it speed things up for production. Three days later, Jack was now sitting on the bench and being prepared to have the chip inserted into his skin.

He swung his legs aimlessly. "What did those nerds decide to call this thing again? Something stupid I bet."

"They're calling it the 'Robotic Humanoid Y-Model System,'" another scientist to his right answered. "R.H.Y.S for short."

Jack rolled his eyes. "Y-Model? What, were models A through X taken?"

"I think they just wanted it to be able to shorten," the scientist replied.

"And R.H.Y.S was the best they could come up with? Full offense, but that name doesn't really strike me as someone hot as fuck and could choke me out if I asked."

"I... didn't think that was a requirement?"

"It's always a requirement!" Jack complained, throwing his hands up in desperation much to the woman who was still poking his arm's grief. "Who would make a machine you can't fuck?"

"This is a chip that will be embedded in your arm that will allow you to quickly scan information without an ECHO implant. I'm not sure you'd want to fuck it, sir."

Jack grumbled. "Don't tell me what and what not to fuck." His head fell back as he stared at the ceiling. "Is it just a voice? Can it not talk me through a kickass orgasm?"

"I can be honest and say that allowing R.H.Y.S to talk you through a quote, 'kickass orgasm,' was not the top of our priorities. We have made it able to scan for nearby ammo, and translate languages you may be unfamiliar with."

"But that's so boring..."

"In any case..." the woman said, startling Jack and the other scientist out of their spat, "I got a spot on your arm that I think will work fine for you, Sir."

"Bitchin'."

She rubbed the spot down with sanitation, and pulled her face mask up to cover her nose and mouth. "If you experience any discomfort, let us know and we will aid you as best we can." 

Jack scoffed at the woman as she gently took hold of his arm. "Sweetcheeks, I got my face grilled on a brokeass alien planet. I don't get discomfort easily."

She ignored him and she wiped her tools down, and began with the small incision. Jack would take it to his grave, but it hurt like hell. To be fair, having your arm sliced open was never a pleasant experience, and to help move the process along, Jack thought of all the things he could try out with this tiny voice in his head that would be guiding him. Would the voice have a sexy tone to it, one that would rouse him on lonely nights? Or maybe it was gruff and macho, a voice that belonged to a body with wicked biceps and ripped thighs. The thought stirred something within Jack, imagining all the fun he was going to have with a voice that only obeyed him, wouldn't talk back, and wouldn't bleed all over his desk.

After a few more minutes of day dreaming, the woman wiped down the now embedded chip, still slightly visible from under the skin on Jack's forearm. Jack leaned closer to it, noticing a small blue blinking light, and etched into the metal the word 'R.H.Y.S'.

"So insertion was successful-"

"Ha, insertion! Get it? Like sex?" 

Both parties stared at him, obviously not getting it.

"- And if you give us a few minutes to boot up the program, we can get you up to speed with R.H.Y.S," the woman finished. She pulled the mask down and walked to the nearby computer while the other scientist took the time to wash the tools and put them away properly. Jack resigned himself to inspect the tiny chip as best he could. He wasn't exactly sure as to how this tiny disk of metal was supposed to be worth practically shutting down the entire department, but Jack didn't hire idiots. All the numbnuts had been filtered out ages ago, so Jack was only left with the best scientists he could yank out of the grips of his competition. Plus, he was feeling generous; if he didn't let them experiment, morale would go down and inevitably he would have to replace the entire department again, which was always and would forever be a clusterfuck.

The nearby typing ceased, and the woman turned to Jack. "It's all set up, Sir! It should be booting up now, just give it a moment."

Jack stared at his arm as the blinking halted on the bright blue, and Jack felt a zing go up his spine. It was akin to a brainfreeze, and before Jack could snarl a nasty insult at his workers, he heard the sound of a computer starting up within his own head.

_"Welcome to Hyperion's own Robotic Humanoid Y-Model System, or R.H.Y.S!"_

"Holy fuck," Jack mumbled as he looked down at the chip again.

The scientist walked up to Jack nervously, holding a clipboard. "Is it working, sir?"

_"I am here to help you in anyway possible, feel free to upgrade or edit me in anyway you see fit, new user! Don't worry, I won't mind."_

"This is the least sexy voice I have ever heard," Jack supplied. "Like, did you just look for the nerdiest voice in the galaxy and say, 'huh, better bump that up to 11!' Because goddamn, this snoozefest is rough on the 'ol handsome ears." Jack turned to the scientist. "For model Z, I want a hot chick's voice. Emphasis on the hot."

_"Hey!"_

Jack's back straightened like an arrow at the voice. 

_"Listen man, you don't have to be a dick about it. I'm literally only here to help. Oh, and by the way, I will totally mind if you edit or change me. So like, don't"_

Jack turned to the women, eyes wide. "Is this voice supposed to be sassing me?"

The woman's face morphed into one of confusion as she looked over the screens again, eyes searching."No, the voice should only be responding to what you say to it. Why, is it talking back? What is it saying?"

Jack held up a finger to her as he waited for the voice to continue. "Shh shut your face sweetcheeks, I'm testing something out."

_"Sweetcheeks? Is that really the name you're giving me? I already came with a name man, what's wrong with R.H.Y.S?"_

"It's like, the least fuckable name I've ever heard."

 _"You're one to talk,_ Jack _. How's that white picket fence and 2.5 kids treating you?"_

He once again turned to the woman. "This voice is a serious dick. How do I know this robo-bastard isn't going to like, fry my brains or something?"

"Forgive me Sir," she said, quickly typing on her laptop, "this isn't supposed to happen. The voice is just supposed to assist you, not talk back. I don't know what's wrong with it!"

"Well, can you fix it?" Jack asked behind gritted teeth. His patience was wearing thin, generosity be damned.

"If you wait a day, perhaps two, I can get the chip out and do the modifications it needs. If you just give us the time, this will all be worked out, I can assure you."

Jack stood from the table and crowded the woman, her face lighting up with fear. It was a shame, Jack thought, to waste so much potential on a useless product. Especially when he had been so kind as to allow them to skip their usual work and have fun building robots or flying kites or whatever they did when they weren't working for him. 

A damn shame, he thought as he snapped her neck and she fell to a pile at his feet.

Jack turned at glanced at the scientist behind him, holding a clipboard and shuddering. "You look smart. You fix this chip thing ASAP and I'll think about not smashing your bones to bits. Now get to it."

The scientist's eyes widened as they scurried off into the lab, calling out to others to assist them immediately, he just killed Karen, we'll all be next if we don't hurry up, yadda yadda boring.

As he made his way out of the R&D hallway, his clicking heels reverberated off the walls and made his thoughts fall into place. He needed this tiny piece of shit out of his mind before something seriously messed up went down, and he needed to clear out any data that it might have collected from him before he smashed it. There's no telling what those assclowns at Dahl might do if they got their hands on Handsome Jack's very own brain hitchhiker.

_"Holy cow, you are hella busy. Like, extremely busy. Super busy. You should probably go to that meeting with the advertising committee first because they always have the killer coffee with the nice lids, so that'll wake you up. Next, financial sounds good because that'll lift your spirits, finding out how much money you've got stowed away. And to end off the meetings, drudge through the Pandorian unit just to see what sludge they have. Save the worst for last, I think."_

Jack stopped walking. "Uh, how did you know the kind of coffee lids I like? How did you plan that shit out so quickly?"

_"I'm Hyperion. I know how this type of deal goes: do your job and if you don't you'll meet your termination. I'm AI, not a moron."_

"Yeah but... that was slick. I've had PA's who always put advertising last because they think it's the least boring. Which is false, by the way, because all meetings are boring."

_"That's dumb, the Pandorian unit is always full of most of the fanboys, saving them for the end of the day usually tired them out, so going there last decreases the chances of stroking and petting."_

"And not even the fun kind of stroking and petting."

_"How long has it been since you got laid that you're hitting on a piece of AI?"_

"Oh trust me Rhysie, when I'm hitting on something, you'll know. Also, that's bold to say coming from a piece of virgin technology. I've gotten more than you and that's just a fact."

_"How am I supposed to fuck when I'm incorporeal?"_

"Wanna find out? I can add 'AI' to my extensive spank bank."

And even though the AI has no body, Jack knew that he was blushing.

It, Jack corrected himself. And it'll be gone by tomorrow.

Jack continued to walk down the hallway and chat with Rhys, discussing how much of a loser the AI is and how he technically couldn't be a virgin because he 'can't lose what he never had in the first place.' 

That time, Jack forgot to correct himself.

 

**Author's Note:**

> hi im @celestiallie from tumblr


End file.
